Shopping Therapy

Mom and I went out shopping on Saturday. A couple of stores in our mall were having close-outs sales. So we decided to check it out.

I found this adorable top that when I wear it makes my waist look smaller, my boobs look perky, and my tummy flatter. I love, love, LOVE finding clothes like this. They are the kind of things that just make you feel better about yourself when you put them on.

Add to the fabulous top, a leather skirt that fits like a glove and only cost me $3.99 (store closing sale); and we have a killer outfit that makes me feel like I want to conquer the world.

I put it all together with a pair of stiletto ankle boots that I bought just because I liked them; even though I never thought I would have a reason to wear them. I wore the outfit on Sunday and had more compliments on how I looked than I had received from people, other than my husband, in years.

I felt good.....no not good, GREAT! In my mind I was sexy, gorgeous, and could turn heads. Even after I took the outfit off, I still had that feeling. I loved it. It then all came to a crashing halt this morning when I stepped on the scale and saw that I had gained a little of the weight I had lost; most likely because of the fried chicken I ate this weekend. (mmmm....fried chicken).

It seems like the hardest thing about changing how I view myself is the litany of negative self-talk that runs through my head. I probably had those extra pounds on me when I was wearing my super-fly outfit and I still felt great at that time.....so why does just knowing about those pounds burst my confidence bubble?

Maybe I need to go shopping again...

Who is that Face in the Mirror?

Sometimes I don't recognise the person in the mirror. The person I see in my mind is not the one who gets reflected back to me in the mirror or in photographs. I don't understand how I could have changed so much and I often get down about it. This week has been one of those weeks. I haven't lost any weight this week. When I saw the number on the scale, I started my usual negative litany that often runs through my mind about my appearance. But for once I stopped myself. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Just look at the painting below.....This woman was once considered a great beauty. In today's society she would be looked at as over weight. But even "overweight" she has a confidence that draws you in and makes you want to look at her again. Confidence is always sexy. That is something I need to work on.

I still want to be healthy, but the way others see me has more to do with how I see myself. Once I see myself as beautiful and sexy; others will too.

Stumbling Blocks

I have stumbled in my chosen path. I haven't been eating my veggies like I had promised myself I would. It seems like a small thing; and in the long run it is. But the little things are what add up to the big things. Thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become character; and finally your character becomes your destiny. So if I want my destiny to be a healthier, happier me; I need to make new thoughts to form new habits, so I can have a new destiny. This is not as easy as it sounds....changing a lifetime (or even a few months or years) of habits is hard. And as demonstrated by this past week I will obviously stumble or forget. Which is one reason I am going to try and keep in mind the following poem,; because in the end it is not the stumbling that matters but whether or not I get up again.

Try, Try Again

By T.H. Palmer

'Tis a lesson you should heed,

If at first you don't succeed,

Then your courage should appear,

For if you will persevere,

You will conquer, never fear

Try, try again;

Once or twice, though you should fail,

If you would at last prevail,

Try, try again;

If we strive, 'tis no disgrace

Though we do not win the race;

What should you do in the case?

Try, try again

If you find your task is hard,

Time will bring you your reward,

Try, try again

All that other folks can do,

Why, with patience, should not you?

Only keep this rule in view:

Try, try again.

My Life is Changing

I started my new job today. It is completely different from what I had been doing for the last decade. I have been asked if I feel like I wasted my life and career these past years. I would have to say no I have not. It is true that I am moving in a new direction, but my experiences helped to mold me into the person I am today. The new path I now walk will mold the future me.

I am excited to see what the future me is like.

To Eat Cheesecake; or Not To Eat Cheesecake? That is the Question

I don't know about you, but when "dieting" I miss those foods (especially sweets) that I love so much. I do fairly well for a while, skipping the dessert table....denying myself because of the calorie content. Next thing I know......boom! I've eaten an entire chocolate cake.

Knowing this I have tried to find healthier alternatives to some of my favorites. Hopefully this way I won't feel like I am denying myself some of the things I love so much.

Here is a recipe I have found for a dessert that tastes similar to cheesecake, but has 1/5 of the calories of a slice of traditional cheesecake.

Traditional New York Style Cheesecake has nearly 500 calories per serving. This recipe has only 80 calories per serving.

Ingredients:

Low fat graham crackers

8 oz. fat free cream cheese (softened)

1 cup cold skim milk

2 tbsp. lemon juice

1 small box of sugar free instant vanilla pudding

8 oz fat free Cool Whip

1 can lite cherry pie filling (can substitute any flavor of lite pie filling)

Directions:

Line the bottom of a 9x13 pan with whole graham crackers.

Beat the cream cheese until smooth.

Add milk and lemon juice to cream cheese and beat until smooth.

Stir in pudding mix.

Fold in Cool Whip.

Spread half of cream cheese mixture over graham crackers.

Repeat with another layer of graham crackers and cream cheese mixture.

Spread pie filling over the top.

Refrigerate overnight

Enjoy!

Makes approximately 20 servings

Weekly Health Progress

Weight loss can be maddeningly frustrating at times. Trying to change your lifestyle into something more healthy is even more daunting. I look over my over all goals and there are times that I despair because it seems impossible.

I started out at 210 lbs. If I am to get to a healthy BMI number, doctors and the charts say that I need to be around 135 lbs at my heaviest to still be in that healthy range. I don't put much stalk into these charts; because I firmly believe they are just guidelines and each individual is different. Now I didn't come to this conclusion because the idea of losing 75 lbs scares the crap out of me (even though it does). I came to this conclusion because I didn't always used to be heavy and at one point in time I was a healthy active individual. I only reached that BMI goal weight once in my life and when I was there you could count my ribs.....anyone looking at me could see it wasn't a healthy weight for me and my body.

I felt my best and looked my best when I was around 150 lbs. Which is why for my my current goal is to be around 150-160 lbs. Why the extra 10 lbs cushion? Because I have had two children since then and it is a realistic number for my personal health.

50-60 lbs is still a lot to lose and is daunting. I know from past experience trying to lose weight that it can be very discouraging as well. Which is why this time around I am focusing on the health rather than the weight. But changing your entire lifestyle is just as overwhelming.

I was offered an analogy the other day which I think is worth sharing.

"Weight loss and healthy living for beginners is like eating an elephant. You try to do it all at once you are going to choke and fail at best.....kill yourself at worst. The only way to conquer the challenge is to take each small bite one at a time."

Simple advice, but many of us (including myself) forget to follow it.

So instead of trying to conquer everything at once I have decided to concentrate on a few simple goals first.

Goal #1: I will monitor my weight. I didn't even own a scale for years and it is during those years that most of this weight creeped up on me. I will be mindful of when I start to gain weight and try to spot any triggers for it.

Goal #2: I will eat at least one serving of green veggies with each lunch and dinner. Even if this is a pre-bagged salad, or canned veggies popped into a microwave. This will help to fill me up with fewer calories as well as making sure that I am balancing my diet a bit better.

Goal #3: Drink more water. I don't really drink soda and coffee; but I still don't get enough water to keep myself hydrated well. I need to start carrying a water bottle with me.

Now you will notice that I haven't set up a goal for exercise yet. This is mostly because I don't want to set myself up for failure. I start a new job at the end of this week and I have no idea what my schedule will be like. Once I know what that is I can better plan exercise that works well for me and my life style.

Stats update:

Starting weight: 210

Current weight: 206.8

I lost 3.2 lbs!! Woo Hoo!!!

Measurements:

44 in bust (.5 in loss)

39 in waist (.5 in loss)

48 in hips (.5 in loss)

15.5 in upper arm (no loss)

1.5 inch total loss. Yay!!

I still get really winded after 50 yards and can do 10 push-ups

Who am I?

Do you ever feel like you have lost yourself? Everybody at some time or another feels like the "real" person they are supposed to be is hidden somewhere. I firmly believe that moms definitely fall into this trap because we so often end up putting ourselves at the bottom of the "to-do" list.

Sometimes I personally want to rebel against this. I get so tired of being me and _______(fill in the blank). I just want to be me. I know that I can't do that all of the time....but now and again would be nice.

I started crying last night because I didn't want to have to be me and _______ anymore. I just wanted to be me, nothing more. Then I cried even harder because I am not sure who I am really anymore. I have worn so many hats that I'm not sure I know who I am without them.

I guess I need to figure that out.

New Year's Resolutions

Once a year staring at the clock becomes a celebration rather than just an indication of counting minutes until the work day is over.

I used to dress up in my finest, fix my hair, make sure my make-up was perfect. This was so I could guarantee that at least once that year I looked my best. I don't do that anymore. As a busy mom I find that kind of effort is cumbersome when you are carrying the little one who has fallen asleep to bed.

Traditionally, today is the day to make resolutions for the changes you hope to make in the new year. I have never quite understood this tradition. People will wait months to make changes because it is not the new year. If you know something needs to change, why wait? Imagine how much benefit one loses waiting for that particular day on the calendar to arrive. Most people declare their resolutions then because they falter in them they beat themselves up about it. So what should be a positive life affirming exercise becomes a stumbling block to them.

Personally, I have given up the traditional new year's resolutions. This doesn't mean that I don't have things that I want to change or improve in my life. It only means that I am not waiting until a specific date to try making those changes. It also means that I know I am human and I will stumble in my efforts. The important thing is to get back up and try again.

I resolve this year to pursue that which makes me a healthier, happier person. I will nourish my soul as well as my body. I will strive not to take life to personally; and find those all too brief moments of joy and treasure them.

Happy New Year's everyone!