Finding One's self

"He who lives in harmony with himself; lives in harmony with the universe." ~Marcus Aurelius

I will admit, I find it difficult to be in harmony with myself. I'm naturally a bit pessimistic. It's a survival tactic......Plan for the worse, hope for the best and maybe you will fall somewhere in the middle.

I tend to focus on what is lacking in life or needs changing; rather than the blessings and joys that are there. I think a lot of people do the same. We as a society are programed to not be satisfied. Media, education, employment, etc.....all of them tell us we should push for the next level, that this may be good, but that is better. We are taught from very young ages that we should always push for the next better thing. And those of us who do not keep pushing are slackers.

While I will not argue that there are slackers in our society; I have learned a very valuable lesson recently. Being satisfied and content with what you have does not make you a slacker. But, it can make you a happier person.

A person who is content with their lot in life shifts there focus from what is lacking to what they already have. Counting one's blessing sounds like such a simple thing, but it can be very profound. That one simple thing can change your entire outlook on life. Unfortunately, it is not as easy as it sounds. I have to remind myself daily of what blessing I have in my life. I am trying to curb my negative thinking by reminding myself that in the big scheme of things I am much more fortunate than many others.

I still get frustrated and angry. I still have things that I wish I had or could do. But, I am finding that my frustration doesn't last as long when I remind myself of the good things in my life. Focusing on what is good and what is here now helps me to find the harmony I found elusive before.

My harmony is living in the here and now; not the past or future. It is focusing on what is here; not what is lacking. There is love, beauty, joy, and contentment to be found in any situation if you are willing to look for it. Just like the morning sunrise pictured at the beginning of this post. I woke up this morning, I am alive, I could walk outside, I could see the brilliant colors of the morning sky, I saw and recognized the beauty of the hand of God, I watched my husband have a still moment admiring the sky with our daughter. It was a beautiful morning.

What are you blessed by?

Foggy Morning

I woke up this morning to the weather man saying there was fog in the area. According to him my little stretch of Mother Earth should have had about 2 miles of visibility. When we stepped outside we found that he was very mistaken. We could barely see the corner of the house and the cars were just ghostly outlines in the driveway.



I actually love the way land looks in the fog. It seems to cover the world in a magical aura. When you see a tree it is just a tree. Wrap it in fog and suddenly you can imagine a dryad emerging to dance in a fairy ring.



I didn't think that I would get to really enjoy our foggy morning. I had Little Ones that needed to be kept in their routine for when school starts up again in a few days. Hounddog (my hubby) had to be taken to work. So it was a typically busy morning.



Fog usually burns off as soon as the sun rises around here. So I was pleasantly surprised when it was still foggy upon my return to the house later in the morning. So I grabbed my camera and took a walk.


Walking is a great way to exercise. You don't need a gym membership. If you keep your eyes open you see amazing things. You can choose your own pace. I use my walking time to center myself. It gives me some quiet, personal time to think through my day, worries and all. I walk until my worries are no longer screaming at me. So not only am I exercising, but I am de-stressing as well. I will miss my morning walks when I start my new job in a week or so.




"Solvitur ambulando, St. Jerome was fond of saying. To solve a problem, walk around." ~Gregory McNamee

What is beauty?

Historically, throughout nature there is a proportion that seems to denote better health and aesthetic beauty. This is referred to as the "Golden Ratio." Mathematically this ratio can be expressed as 1.61803399.

This ratio reappears in plants and animals over and over again. Humans are no different. DaVinci showed what an "ideal" man should be in his Vitruvian Man (pictured left). Throughout the years many studies have proven over and over again that men find women whose hip to waist ratio is close to the Golden Ratio as more attractive.

Now I would like to take this moment to point out that it was the ratio and not the size of the girl that had men labeling images of women as more attractive. So why do we women put so much pressure on ourselves to be "thin"? Concepts of beauty change over time. The Italian Renaissance wanted women who looked pregnant. Before the industrial revolution pleasantly plump women were the preferred beauty because it meant you could afford food, but weren't lazy. Even Marilyn Monroe one of this century's undisputed great beauties wore a size 12 on average; which by today's rigorous standards would have her as over weight. I wear either a 14-16 dress size; just a couple of dress sizes different from that famous beauty; but I have been told by medical professionals that I am morbidly obese.

I have always been bigger than society's "ideal." That didn't really bother me until recently. While it is annoying to try and find clothes that fit large hips and bust when you have a relatively small waist, I still felt good physically. I am now at the heaviest I have ever been. 210 lbs. But even with that my measurements don't have me that far off of the "Golden Ratio." Do I want to lose weight? Yes.....but not because I need society's approval. I want to lose the weight because I am getting the aches and pains that come with the extra weight. I want to be able to keep up with my beautiful children.

I don't want to be single digit sizes.....I happen to like my curves. But I want to be healthy. So here in front of the Internet and everyone I am taking my first steps towards better health. I'm a busy mom, my family is on a tight budget. I am going to find healthy habits that work for a real life mother and family. Please help keep me accountable. Offer advice or resources if you have any.

Starting Stats:

weight: 210 lbs

Measurements:

44.5 in. bust

39.5 in waist

48.5 in hips

28.5 in thighs

15.5 in upper arm

running: 50 yards before really winded

push-ups: 10

Forward into health!!!!

And so begins the rest of my life...

This past year has been an extremely rough year. I know that many out in the world can relate, because from what I hear on the news, Internet, not to mention the people in my own life....this year has had (and still has for some) many trials.

I lost my job this last year....so did my husband. I had some medical issues. Finances are still in shambles. There were times I wondered if I would break under all of the pressure. I may have cracked a little but I haven't broken.

One thing that has come from all of this chaos is I have fully examined my life......all of the blessings, the curses, the trials, and the triumphs. I do not think that many people have actually set out and fully examined their life. If the reflect on their life at all it tends to be a surface or cursory examination. People are so caught up in what the world tells them they need to be healthy and happy; that they don't listen to their own heart and body. Worse yet....we fail to nourish our soul when we pursue "happiness."

So here begins my journey.......I am overweight, my family is struggling financially, I lost my career which I invested over a decade in, I have had to let go of many of my "life dreams." Society tells me that I should be a miserable broken person. But I'm not....I'm weary at times and sometimes worn down....but I am still here and I refuse to fade into that good night. I have been told for so long what I should want, what beauty should be, what happiness looks like. I refuse to listen to the world. I am ready to discover health, happiness, beauty, and success on my own terms.

Here I am world!!! I am taking the first step of my OWN journey, not yours!